I don’t sleep well when I’ve got too much going on in my head. The other night I lay awake for hours worrying. Worrying that the work I’d sent for an exhibition opening was hated by the gallery. Thankfully it wasn’t the case as the jewellery went down well but my mind likes to play out these strange scenarios in the middle of the night.
I think my main problem is that I don’t quite believe in myself yet. When will this happen? Don’t get me wrong, I’m really proud of my achievements to date. I’ve been chosen as a contributor in exhibitions, awarded college prizes and sell in some fantastic galleries and shops but there’s still this annoying little voice at the back of my head saying “you’re not a proper artist”. I think I may actually know where this comes from. I went to secondary school in the 80’s and art classes were a bit different then, well that was my experience anyway. I was constantly told that my art was rubbish and week after week my teacher would scrunch it up and bucket it. When I look back now, I’m outraged that he did that. It’s taken me years to get my confidence back. What I would do to meet up with him now – as they say in Scotland – “I widnae miss an’ hit the wa’!
A few new ventures have come my way since the last blog which is helping with the self belief though. A collection of my jewellery will be winging its way to the Queens Hall in Hexham which will be my first stockist south of the border. I’ve also just had my red funky felt ring showcased in Green Parent Magazine and I’m about to be a featured artist in Folksy along with Shop Scotland.
I’m also excited about the prospect of working with mokume gane and gemstones again. In a bid to not have the same jewellery range in 2 galleries in the same town I’m developing and adding to my current collection. Mokume gane is a fascinating combination of metals and historically it was used in the making of Samurai swords. The words ‘Mokume Gane’ mean wood grain and I love the combination of colour and pattern that it adds to a design.
As I said earlier, I don’t sleep well when there’s too much going on my head. Sometimes this can be a good thing. I tend to get a lot of my ideas during these times and plans are now afoot for jewellery featuring raw silk, recycled fabrics and neoprene – but not all on the same piece I hasten to add.
So, back to self belief. I’m hoping it isn’t too far off. If anyone sees it, could you grab it and firmly attach it to my shoulders? Many thanks x